Living again

The other day my very dear friend mentioned something to me, which made me think again. Thinking, of late, has been quite a painful thing for me. Living without thinking is so much fun. But since I couldnt avoid thinking that day, I thought of this:


After certain years in life, especially after many years of marriage, something happens.


One fine morning, when the wife looks through the windows and finds a sparrow, all alone, pecking on the grass and trying to eat something, when the cool breeze of the morning hits her face, when she watches the pumpkin creeper growing slowly up towards the sky and holding hands of the larger and stronger creepers to take support, when she watches her daughters playing in the heavy rain and coming back home all mud and soaked....she feels very lonely. She feels lonely, in spite of being surrounded by all that a she wants.


Another fine morning, when the husband receives a call from his school mate asking him to come out and join the group for a cup of tea in a local restaurant, while driving to the office, he looks at the street corner, where new faces join every year to make it a 'gathering' point for friends (back in Kolkata, India, we called such gatherings as 'adda'), when a racing bike stops next to him at the traffic lights and the young man in dark helmet looks at him, when in office parties some one suddenly places a hand on his shoulder and says "Hey, care to join for a film after the party?", he feels very lonely. He feels lonely, in spite of having all that he wants to have.


What is this loneliness? Especially a loneliness that surrounds one, when one is among a crowd, be it one's own nearest family, or, friends and relatives, or among the mountains and seas and deserts. I have not yet understood. My life, has been so designed so far, of course by choice, that most of the time I talk to myself (not like a mad-man, but silently) and stay with myself. Sitting hours together in the comfortable corner of the couch and not uttering a single word, has become my habit, and I quite enjoy it. So I have not understood this 'loneliness', as I do not have situations as I detailed above, to remind me of such loneliness.


But I will tell you what I have understood. I take this 'loneliness' as a realisation. Its a discovery. Discovery of our own self. As we journey through our time, till the children are somewhat grown up and all is well, we suddenly realise what we missed. We missed being with ourselves. Some one called it 'me time'. We missed looking at ourselves. The moment this realisation comes, we become lonely. It happens at mid age. But its not a midlife crisis. There is no crisis. Its a position change when husband and wife start finding each other just as another 'thing' in the house, which they are used to for a long time. But they will not get rid of it, and change it, as they love this 'thing'. But since it has been said many times over that they 'loooove' this 'thing', they dont say it any more. The time for negotiation is over. The company is doing well and the partners have a lot of time suddenly. 


Suddenly both discover a terrible thing. That they have never said, 'I love you' to one's own self. And this realisation makes one feel very 'lonely'. Its the time we suddenly discover the most interesting friend within ourselves. Its the time to give a chance to ourselves. 


Its the time to live. All over again. Love yourself. 

Arrival

Long ago, watched a film. The guy was wearing a shirt with the buttons on his back. That is, the chest of the shirt was on his back, and the back of the shirt was on his chest. When asked, why he was wearing the shirt front side back and back side front, he replied '...so that no one knows if I am coming, or, going'. Good enough reasoning. But then, do we really know, without such explicit physical expressions 'if we are coming, or, going?'. More plainly speaking, have we arrived? If we have, when? I have, several times argued this within myself and found that at any point of time, and actually at every moment, we are actually in a state of arrival. And then start again. The journey is full of 'arrivals' and 'departures'. The final arrival, when the quest is fulfilled, is on the final day.


Lets love this living..